Wednesday, May 21, 2008

How to Handle Wire Tapping of your Phone

("This is a work of fiction - any resemblance to actual persons
living or dead is purely coincidental...maybe".)
After leaving the jungle, we were still under investigation by the authorities. Sometimes this involved having our phone tapped. We had been warned of this and sometimes, you could hear a machine click on and occasionally, even breathing and other background noises.

We had nothing to hide and did not discuss anything private over the phone, certainly not with our lawyer. Even so, it was very irritating !

So... we embraced the situation. If I ever had a toddler in the house I would let them speak, and babble and sing to their hearts content over the phone.

Or, read scripture passages for long stretches!

Give the official listening in the 'Plan of Salvation".

Speak in PIG LATIN!!! Oday ouyay eakspay igpay atinlay???

Our favorite, when calling one another, from the market or some such place, was to speak in Ye'Kwana!!!! This is best done in low, grave voices. Oh the evil codes they must have thought we had invented!!!!! They may have assumed we were discussing the evil empire and its plans to dominate,but we were really just discussing what items we needed from the market!!! He, he!!!

But the most important thing of all is to speak to the officer listening in!!! Say "Hello, how are you? Are you having a nice day?" If asking a question to the person with whom you are conversing, ask the official what he thinks, "SO, dear official of the day, should he bring home chicken or fish for dinner? We'll have plenty so you all can come by as well!!! "

And, be nice! You know, like before you hang up say ,"I am not expecting anymore phone calls this evening so why don't you just go ahead and rest now, or get a coffee".

And being a good Venezuelan family, we even ended with, "Bendición?" !

27 comments:

Pam--in Jerusalem said...

That is HILARIOUS!
I've been 'warned' that our house could be bugged, our phone tapped, internet traffic tracked, etc. I've never seen or heard any proof of it so far; but I'll surely remember this in the event I ever do!

The Hermit said...

Weren't you afraid they'd "disappear" you. I understand some of the countries down there are not real big into human rights.

Jungle Mom said...

Hermit,
If I were a Venezuelan citizen, I would never have done such a thing. Knowing we would be forced to leave anyway ,may have embolden us. Sometimes, it's good to be "high profile" so that is they'disappear' you, it will be noticed!!
We never spoke against the regime,just annoyed them!

I did hold back from singing God Bless America!!!

Happymama said...

LOL, HA! Funny.

~Kristi

Nina Andrzejewski said...

That is too funny...and you have a fantastic attitude about it! Praise the Lord!

Nina Andrzejewski said...

P.S. Is it ok if I put a link to you on my blog?----Nina

Thriver said...

HAHA! That makes me laugh. Sadly, we never get to do anything fun like that. :-(

Gayle said...

That sounds like a blast, Rita! Almost makes me wish someone would bug our phones. :)

Brenda said...

I like your approach to what was probably a tough situation.

Amanda said...

You guys are so funny!

Becky said...

That is so HILARIOUS, lol! That totally made me smile. I can almost picture some investigator scribbling fast and furious on a notepad, trying to make sense of it all. Too funny!

Findalis said...

LOL. Love the one in which the toddler babbles on the phone. That's classic.

Elmers Brother said...

oh sharing the plan of salvation...you're GOOD!

Jungle Mom said...

elmer's brother,
Well, we do what we can! It is important to realize the problems in Venezuela had nothing to do with religion in the cities, the investigations and intimidations were dealing with the situation of missions in the jungle.

Abouna said...

Nope, you are not paranoid, sometimes they really are after you.

Starla said...

LOL!!!! That is so funny!!! I'll keep all this in mind in case I ever need to use it. :)

MightyMom said...

too good!

I love inviting the listener to dinner!

my kids spend the majority of the time I'm on the phone talking so anyone tapping my phone would learn a few things really quickly!

A) the Barney Song

B) the entire plot to 6 different Veggie Tales Movies

C) that Sister's voice can drown out an atomic bomb...and that's when she's HAPPY!

................................

Thursday's Child said...

Oh, I think we're twins separated at birth! (Have I said that before? It sounds familiar.) Just so you know I'm posting a link to that on my blog. It's great! I always thought I'd do that as well if I were ever in a similar situation.

redneck preacher said...

Typical American spy.

The Word will not return void. Sure would be cool if you, as a new arrival in Heaven, would be greeted by someone who used to listen to you.

Ouldcay appenhay

HTOITA

Liz said...

This is so Venezuelan of you!! Humor is the best policy in some situations.

I laughed real hard while reading it, in my household the most urgent telephone conversations always have to do with groceries. As some kind of food is only found in another part of town (where my husband works):
-'honey please don't forget about the eggs',
-'hello? the bread dear, the especial kind, you know',
-'red peppers, not green!'
-'I don't care how much it costs! bring me a bag of parboiled rice'
-'are you sure you went to the right place? we need to make some dough'

Everything sounds like a code! when in reality is just a housewife trying to put some decent food on the table.

WomanHonorThyself said...

awwwwwwwww bendicion ! lol

{imaginativa} said...

What a riot you are! You are truly blessed with a great sense of humor. And Liz above, I thought I was paranoid about the food...

cube said...

lol! I love it, especially letting the toddler ramble on. That is precious.

Michelle in Mx said...

what a hoot!
I love speaking in a different language! Woo Hoo!

Pinky said...

Wow, Rita! Have you seen "Other People's Lives"? It won an Oscar this year. It's a foreign film set in East Germany in the early 80's about the commies spying on the citizens. EXCELLENT MOVIE!!!

This reminded me....

Pinky said...

Oh, darn. I got it wrong. It's "The Lives of Others".
hee hee

Evan said...

Junglemom, just found your blog via Thursday's Child.

I've heard (completely unverifiable) stories passed down from the spy-vs-spy days of the Cold War, of US Army signal personnel reading Russian greetings on the appropriate holidays over our own "secure" communications networks. Because there was always the chance the Soviets had cracked it and were listening, and in that case, it'd be best to let them think we knew they were. Not the first time I've felt like I was born in the wrong era ;)